Why I Didn’t Go To Church Today

Sorry I’ve been MIA for the last few days, folks. There’s been a lot of exciting, fun things happening in my life. I may not have won any of the categories I was nominated in for the Websters (but a HUGE THANKS to those who took the time to vote for me – and the winners totally deserved it!), but I was invited by FitFluential to attend an amazing event in NYC next month. It’s hosted by Fitness Magazine! I will join other FitFluential Ambassadors (including Heather, we are driving to the city together, YAY) at Fitness HQ, where we will get to meet editors and other staff, preview new products and fitness/nutrition trends, have a special lunch, try out a pop work-out class (um, RIGHT up my alley), and – best of all – learn about blogging from a panel of four ladies that I admire in a HUGE way!

I will also get the chance to hang out with so many amazing bloggers that I have been wanting to meet for ages. I’ve been reading these blogs for almost three years, and meeting their authors is so important to me. I’m fangirling like mad right now, but I don’t care!

So as you can see, big things are happening for Cait Plus Ate! I am so thankful to you guys for sticking with me since I started this blog in September and being interested in what I have to say. Every moment like this seems more and more surreal and just makes me stop, take a deep breath, and feel extremely lucky.

Example of my great luck – an amazing dad!

That segways a bit into the title of this post, because I recall hearing a Sunday School teacher tell me when I was very young that there is no such thing as “luck”, because that implies something just happened by chance, when God is the one who determines everything that happens in our lives. I’ve always considered myself a Christian. After all, I celebrate all the holidays like Easter and Christmas. And by “celebrate”, I mean my family observes them in some way. I guess I can’t really say that I myself technically observe in a religious way, because I didn’t go to church this past Christmas Eve, and I didn’t go to church this morning. I actually left the house today to come blog at La Petite France right after the rest of my family left for church.

La Petite France has a fabulous new barstool area!

But why didn’t I go to church when my family asked me to join them? The answer is pretty simple – I didn’t want to. I didn’t think I’d get anything out of attending the service. I never have. I wonder sometimes if I should consider myself a Christian, because at times I feel like religion doesn’t play any role in my life at all. I’m not an Athiest, and I don’t even know if I’d call myself an Agnostic – that implies to me that I don’t care. Clearly I do, because every time I listen to a friend’s opinion on religion, whether it be one of deep spirituality or one of extreme atheism, I ponder my own views and wonder where religion fits in for me.

I’ve never gotten comfort out of a church service, a powerful sermon, a moment of prayer, or a Bible scripture. You know, your typical “church things”. Nothing like that has ever resonated with me. Instead, the things that resonate with me and provide comfort and a sense of purpose are, for example, my own accomplishments, a good deed a family member does for me, a moment when I feel like a friend understands EXACTLY what I mean before I even explain, or a particularly well-written passage from my latest pleasure read. The little things. And I know someone could turn around and say to me – well, God created those things and those moments. So you can find comfort in the fact that He created them for you.

But did He? I just don’t know if I buy it. Sometimes I wish that I could close my eyes, pray, and find strength in moments of weakness. But it just doesn’t work for me. Instead, I call my mom. I text my sister. I take a walk. I immerse myself in “the little things”.

A big carnival ride can be a little thing.

So maybe “the little things” are my religion. I wonder about all this, but then I always end up taking a step back without answering my questions about what religion means to me, because the little things seem like enough. When times get rough, at least I know what makes me happy, and at least I know what gives me inner strength. It may not be God, or a church service, or a prayer, but at least I know what it is and can use the little things when I need them.

I was feeling particularly insightful today folks – blame it on the 1.5 hours of thinking I did this morning while sweating buckets during Bikram Yoga. :)

Do you consider yourself a religious person? Do you associate yourself with a religion?

What gives you comfort and inner strength – religious or not?

Please let me know any other thoughts in the comments – I’d love to hear feedback on this post!

44 Responses to "Why I Didn’t Go To Church Today"

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  1. Emily @ Perfection Isn't Happy

    April 8, 2012 at 12:57 pm

    I grew up Catholic, but since meeting my fiance, I now attend a Methodist church. I consider myself Christian, but sometimes I do feel more spiritual than I do religious. I don’t like (or even believe) in all of the rules of the church. Sometimes I wish everyone would just get along — my biggest pet peeve is when someone thinks that their religion is better than someone else’s! Most of us believe in some sort of higher power; we just call it different things.

    Reply
    • Caitlin

      April 8, 2012 at 1:00 pm

      I agree Emily, I too wish that religion didn’t foster so much conflict. Look at the world we live in and have lived in for all of history! Religion has been behind the majority of violence and still is today. Something that is supposed to be so peaceful is so often turned into negativity and hate. It definitely is an inherent contradiction.

      Reply
  2. kohlercreated

    April 8, 2012 at 1:04 pm

    Delurking! Loved this post. It describes exactly how I feel. My husband is an atheist, and I am an agnostic. I don’t find it to be the group of “I don’t cares” so much as the “I don’t knows.” Like you, things just never “clicked for me.” I loved going to church when I was little. I loved all the stories, I truly believed them. But as I got older, I just became more attached to science and just being engaged in nature and the things I was passionate about. Church and religion just had less of the same meaning and effect on my life. It’s not that we didn’t try to feel God, or go to church, or have the same experiences that others around us do, we did. But I just stopped pretending that it was working, because it wasn’t, and I was tired of feeling terrible about it.

    Reply
    • Caitlin

      April 8, 2012 at 1:09 pm

      I’m so glad you enjoyed the post, and that you found things in it that you can relate to! I’m glad you don’t feel terrible about religion not “working” for you. It sounds like you have always had an open mind! The things I am passionate about are also what drive me. And the more scientific information I learn, the more I become interested in that too, that’s for sure. Thanks so much for commenting!

      Reply
  3. dianabushneck

    April 8, 2012 at 1:21 pm

    I am with you on this. My family was upset that I skipped church today. To me, the 5-mile run I did instead had so much more meaning. I was grateful for the blue skies, the tall trees, the ducklings I spotted, the families picnicing in the parks, and the strength and ability I had to do it.

    Reply
    • Caitlin

      April 8, 2012 at 1:24 pm

      thats amazing diana! the fact that you can see those things and appreciate it means you are grateful for the world around you. and if you are grateful for reasons other than the fact that God gave them to you or anything like that, then that’s OK! i’m grateful that the yoga practice i had this morning gave me such valuable time to ponder my feelings on this subject. thank you for comment :)

      Reply
  4. Beyoutiful Fitstyle

    April 8, 2012 at 2:10 pm

    I was raised in a Catholic family, but disagree with a lot that the catholic church preaches. I think my feelings toward religion are similar to yours. I “celebrate” all the catholic holidays, but then again it’s more like a family party than anything. My boyfriend is not catholic, but pretty religious…sadly I forget what it is hahah. Like you I believe in the little things, I believe that we have the power within ourselves to create the life we want. And I agree with you again…is that God giving us that? Who knows. But I find religion hard to grasp.

    But anyway… HOPPY EASTER!!!! :)

    Reply
    • Caitlin

      April 8, 2012 at 2:54 pm

      I def am grateful for the celebrations that come out of the holidays too – family and friends getting together, it’s great. That’s why I feel awkward saying I “observe” those holidays because I may be celebrating, but not the religious aspect

      Reply
  5. GOtheXtraMile

    April 8, 2012 at 2:21 pm

    How amazing, congrats girl!!!!

    Reply
  6. Yellow Haired Girl

    April 8, 2012 at 2:31 pm

    I loved this post! And I feel the same way … I was raised in a Catholic family, went to a Catholic school … and did all of the “church things” I was expected to. But now that I’m out on my own, I don’t go to church. I’ll pray in dire times, which really is almost unfair, because I don’t practice my religion on a regular basis. I’ll go to church for Christmas Eve, not because I necessarily get a lot out of it … but because it’s a tradition in my family and I don’t want to disappoint my parents. I hope you have a wonderful Easter Sunday – and HOLY CONGRATS on the getting to go that event next month!! So awesome :)

    Reply
    • Caitlin

      April 8, 2012 at 2:56 pm

      I felt like I was disappointing my parents a bit today too, but they’re rational and would never pressure me. I’m grateful for that! I put pressure on myself tho by feeling guilty. I too have tried praying when I felt I “really needed” something, then I felt like a hypocrite for only praying in that moment.

      Reply
      • lgsmash

        April 8, 2012 at 3:16 pm

        I’m the same as Yellow Haired Girl – I was raised Catholic but have since ‘rejected’ it. It’s so stuffy and non-accepting of alternate views! In general, though, I’m with both of you in that I don’t feel like I need CHURCH to feel spiritual or connected to the thing that created us. Like you said, Caitlin – I’ve never really felt like church or the bible or special religious sayings have offered me any comfort. One of the ‘perks’ of living across the country from our families is that the is no pressure to go to church – we can celebrated this day and every day how we choose. :)

        Reply
        • Caitlin

          April 9, 2012 at 9:11 am

          very true! it’s crazy how just living in the same house as my family makes me feel so weird about not going to church with them. i haven’t gone to church on easter in awhile because i was living in a college dorm and never came home. so this year was no different, yet since i’m living in the same home as my family, i almost felt obligated to attend church with them.

          Reply
  7. Meg

    April 8, 2012 at 3:11 pm

    Hey girl! I seriously didn’t realize that you just started blogging in September! Congrats to all of the success. WOW! Huge accomplishments!

    Love you :)

    Reply
  8. In Sweetness and In Health

    April 8, 2012 at 3:42 pm

    This is an awesome post! And I really appreciate you opening up about this topic. I don’t necessarily consider myself religious because I tend to find organized religion pushy and annoying. But when I focus just on faith things make more sense to me! I think it’s great that you think about it, and that you know what works for you because in the end, that’s what matters most!

    Reply
  9. In Sweetness and In Health

    April 8, 2012 at 3:43 pm

    And also, CONGRATS on being selected to go to Fitness HQ! That is amazing :D

    Reply
    • Caitlin

      April 9, 2012 at 9:12 am

      thanks so much girl, i’m so excited! and i’m glad you liked the post. i think there are some people out there who really can make religion negative for others because of the pushy attitudes that some possess. it’s a bummer because they are doing more harm than good to the beliefs they want to spread!

      Reply
  10. Matt @ The Athlete's Plate

    April 8, 2012 at 7:36 pm

    I grew up Catholic but haven’t been to church in about 10 years or more. I dunno, being religious isn’t something you can force.

    Congrats on the blog stuff!

    Reply
  11. Lisa

    April 8, 2012 at 8:43 pm

    I grew up Anglican, and church was important on major holidays, but nothing else. I actually sometimes feel like I’m disappointing my grandma by not attending church, but its just not something I’m really interested too. And don’t want to do something just to please other people. Hope your having a great Easter!!!

    Reply
    • Caitlin

      April 9, 2012 at 9:13 am

      being a people pleaser is something i have a BIG problem with (as in i do it too often), so i’m kinda proud of myself for holding true to my beliefs, or lack thereof, on this one. just like you!

      Reply
  12. Asuma

    April 9, 2012 at 1:38 am

    For me, religion has always been an ambiguous thing, especially since I grew up amongst parents who follow different religions. But they both taught me the same thing – there is no right or wrong in whichever religion I decide to follow, and there is never a strict boundary separating religions. It’s all about happiness. So finding yourself in the little things that make you happy is just a perfect way to follow your heart!

    Reply
    • Caitlin

      April 9, 2012 at 9:13 am

      that’s great that your parents adopted that attitude when raising you. i have some friends whose parents really forced religion on them and as a result the kids almost hate it because they just see it as a negative thing that was always a burden on them.

      Reply
      • Asuma

        April 10, 2012 at 1:05 am

        Yeah, I really do feel blessed to have been given that freedom since childhood :) This is not particularly to do with religion, but reading books like Women, Food and God by Geneen Roth has also made me think a lot about just being myself.

        Reply
        • Caitlin

          April 10, 2012 at 9:48 am

          i had no idea you were reading that too…did i recommend it? or is this a crazy coincidence? i heard about it from clare brady of fitting it all in. did you already read it or reading it now? so many of geneen’s words are resonating with me like CRAZY.F

          Reply
          • Asuma

            April 10, 2012 at 5:26 pm

            I finished it a while ago, on a recommendation from Jamie from collegegirlcooking! When I just started reading, it was sort of difficult to relate to the “spiritual” writing style of Geneen’s, but the further I read into the book, the more I could relate, and toward the end I just could not drop the book. Throug this book I also noticed a lot of things that were happening in my head that I didn’t even stop to think about before. It really was a WOW experience! I feel like every woman can relate to the things Geneen talks about in one way or another.

          • Caitlin

            April 10, 2012 at 5:49 pm

            I agree with you on the WOW experience, sometimes Geneen seems to be reading my mind!

  13. Beth B.

    April 9, 2012 at 12:29 pm

    Caitlin, thanks for posting this, and I respect your decision. My husband and I grew up different religions and it is a much, much bigger deal to our families than it is to us. We just figure we’ll go to whatever church (or lack there of) we feel most comfortable at when we move from here to there, and make our own family traditions out of what we decide. We’re not going to go to a church that we don’t like just because it’s part of our tradition. Our families aren’t having any of that. We both have family members that chose professions in their religion (think priests and ministers…pretty dedicated to their faith!), and both sides have threatened extreme things if we baptize our future children the ‘other’ religion. I understand that religion is very important to them, but I think the most important thing is building a strong, good-willed, well-educated, happy family…in whatever terms fit us.

    Reply
    • Caitlin

      April 9, 2012 at 2:10 pm

      i agree beth, that’s the most important thing! extreme threats really give religion a negative connotation and bring unnecessary conflict into play. it’s supposed to be about love, after all!

      Reply
  14. Lucy (@itsjustluc)

    April 9, 2012 at 5:56 pm

    Hi! First time here, just wandered in from a twitter link. You’re thoughts on agnosticism surprised me. I’ve been agnostic for several years now and am very comfortable with the thought. It feels like an inquisitive, comfortable place for me, one that doesn’t demand any kind of definitive answer. Agnosticism really is the acknowledgement that not only do we not know the “truth” about all the issues your struggling with, but that we can’t know. It’s not about apathy or indifference, but acceptance. It’s so much more…real to me than having to convince myself (or anyone else) about specific beliefs.

    Reply
    • Caitlin

      April 9, 2012 at 7:53 pm

      hey lucy thank you for reading and taking the time to comment! glad to have you – especially since you bring up an interesting point. i’ve always associated being agnostic with a form of apathy or not caring. but calling it an “inquisitive, comfortable place” makes me rethink the term’s definition. that inquisitive and comfortable feeling certainly sounds like something i can relate to feeling. i’m not sure if i believe that i “can’t” know the truth though. i have spoken to religious friends, and many of them have felt a true moment that just made them know and have faith in whatever their religion is. not saying i’m “waiting around” for that moment – i’m not holding my breath – but maybe it is possible to know the truth from something that happens to each of us. thank you so much for your comment, i seriously love the discussion stemming from this!

      Reply
  15. fortheloveofkale

    April 9, 2012 at 9:06 pm

    I can’t wait to spend the weekend with you next month! IT IS GOING TO RULE.

    As for your beliefs, I totally respect you for doing what you need to. Always here to support you, my dear friend! <3

    Reply
    • Caitlin

      April 10, 2012 at 9:50 am

      ahhhh i knoww and i was thinking last night how excited i am to SING the whole car ride there/back with you. deal?

      i’m so glad that you respect my beliefs and support me no matter what. i was honestly thinking of you as i wrote and published this! i had you in mind when i was thinking about those i know who are religious and strong in their beliefs. i’m glad that no matter what we each believe (or aren’t sure we believe), we can still be twins ;)

      Reply
  16. Meredith @ DareYouTo

    April 9, 2012 at 10:23 pm

    Powerful post; thanks for sharing your thoughts! I completely understand your not wanting to go to church, and I don’t think that it makes you any less Christian. Your personal beliefs might, but church is a formality in my opinion.

    Although I have become more religious over the past year or two, I also see the spirituality in the “little moments” and I relate to your description. The sun breaking through the clouds leaving streaks of light through the sky, a particularly intimate moment with a friend, a surprise that brings sheer delight, a rush of wind just when I need the breeze.. what we appreciate, understand, and find spiritual is all individual, and I admire you for being self-reflective enough to explore and share what you find resonates with you.

    On a less serious note, I am SO excited for the Fitness Mag event, and even more psyched knowing I’ll get to meet YOU!

    Reply
    • Caitlin

      April 10, 2012 at 9:49 am

      i’m glad that EVERYONE seems to be able to relate to me in loving and appreciating the little things in life, whether you are religious or not. that means we can all be grateful for this beautiful world we live in and all we have. after all, we do live in the same world, together. :)
      i’m beyond words excited to meet you. i still am in shock!

      Reply
  17. robfiasco

    April 10, 2012 at 2:00 pm

    great post Caitlin! I didn’t go to church either but almost did, just because my dad went. I grew up Catholic, went to Catholic school and pretty much went to mass every Sunday until I was in my early 20′s. However, that was out of respect for my family.

    What’s strange is how religion is different in certain parts of the country. When I was in Texas, a lot of my younger friends attended some type of religious service on a weekly basis. Here in New York, most of my friends are non-religious and those that do attend a service are much older.

    I had a brief stint working for one of the largest churches in the country a few years ago (thanks temp agency!), and it was amazing at how much of it felt like a “cult” atmosphere. The amount of money that came into that place was insane. People would include letters with their tithe that were apologizing to God because they couldn’t give 10% of their income that week because they needed groceries or what not. I couldn’t believe it. I was also told that they couldn’t hire me full-time because I lived in sin.

    So yeah, I have a pretty jaded view of Religion. haha :)

    Reply
    • Caitlin

      April 10, 2012 at 2:20 pm

      hahaha omg! see, i wonder why certain religions put up with people or organizations like that when they often, in my opinion, give the religion a bad name with their negativity! i have met plenty of religious people who are wonderful and accepting, but so often they get overshadowed by their negative, hateful counterparts. i’m glad you enjoyed the post! and you’re right, religion is SO regional. it’s crazy! my sister goes to school in tennessee and is constantly harassed by people protesting on campus and begging everyone to save themselves or burn in hell. i went to college in CT and only saw that about once a semester on campus.

      Reply
  18. TheOrangeMask

    April 11, 2012 at 10:17 am

    Hi, Cait! Okay, it looks like from the comments that I might be in the minority here. Nevertheless, I woke up bright and early on Sunday and couldn’t wait to go to church and worship. I did the same on Christmas day. Does that make me a better Christian than you? Absolutely not. I am definitely religious to the extent that I’m seriously contemplating getting a mDIV at some point, just to add that scholarly aspect to my worship outside of merely devotional. Religion, faith, and spirituality are not things one can or should force. A very close friend of mine was almost being forced to get Baptised when really that’s not where she’s at right now. Those kind of steps have to start with something within you, not outside pressures or doing what will make others happy. Agnosticism or Agnostic Christianity in a way are both good. I’ve had some of the best, most thought provoking conversations with Agnostic folks. The beauty is that their minds are always open, always questioning and usually willing to listen and contemplate, while asking that you do the same. In other words, they are thinkers… like you, and are on a spiritual, emotional and intellectual journey. In a mutually respectful conversation, it’s really eye opening and we both come away having learned. Don’t force any feeling, but I would ask that you just remain searching, looking for what suits you and not close the door by saying “well, I don’t feel anything. So there’s nothing out there”. Our emotions are too often fickle. The church isn’t everyone’s cup of tea, I understand that. Not everyone who preaches, ought to. And the Bible is not easy reading, I still find myself learning and pondering things about it. But Christian faith is and should be so much more than these things. It is a life journey towards Christ and the center of any Christian message or lifestyle ought to be “love”, “compassion” and “understanding”, traits that I find obviously exist within you. Who knows what Easter will mean to you 10 yrs from now? Continue your journey, don’t stop it. In any event, I still think you’re the hottest thing going this side of CT.

    Reply
    • Caitlin

      April 11, 2012 at 10:31 am

      Calvin, you are the MAN! Especially for that last sentence ;-) but seriously, I love your attitude and how accepting you are of those with views like mine. In fact, I love how you WELCOME my questions about faith and God. I agree, the conversations that can be born of different beliefs are really awesome. And I respect you for being at a place where you are so confident in your faith, and admire you for wanting to get your mDIV! My sister has contemplated it too for her future. You are the man!

      Reply
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