Proving Myself to…Myself
I sure hope someone catches the “Austin Powers” reference in the title…
I have the best readers in the world – thanks for your comments on yesterday’s post! I was already feeling a lot better when I published it Monday morning but I still had lingering feelings of regret that were holding on tightly. Like I wrote yesterday, time has been a huge part of making me feel better but your kind words help too. The way I spent my Saturday and Sunday evenings, post-Friday-evening-debacle, also gave myself the PROOF my mind needed to see that drinking all the drinks and spending all the dollars (I hope you caught that Alex) will not become habit and is not something I’ll keep wanting to do.
Saturday Night at Krust
Saturday night I had plans to attend the birthday dinner of Kelly‘s hubby Nick. I’d recommended to them one of my fave restaurants around, Krust Pizza Bar in Middletown. I have to be honest…I considered cancelling. I wanted to sit in my house and eat a salad and drink water, to punish myself for overdoing it on the alcohol the previous night. But I also knew that surrounding myself with loved ones and being a part of celebrating Nick’s special day would mean a lot to both me AND Kelly and Nick. Plus, staying in would have been letting the regret win. So I showered, put on a cute outfit, and headed out!
As usual, Krust did not disappoint and even set aside a table for us and had it ready, after I gave them a heads up a few days prior that we’d be coming in. It’s nice to be able to recommend a restaurant that is always going to follow through! And I also followed through in demonstrating to myself that I can go out to eat and practice moderation. Being outside doing SUP yoga earlier that afternoon had me craving a beer, and some Goose Island brews that I’d only experienced from the bottle before were on tap, thanks to a tap takeover. Kevin (owner, bartender, awesome guy) was kind enough to make me a custom Goose Island flight.
Instagram told me before I even arrived that one of Krust’s app specials was Gazpacho (San Marzano, cucumber, red pepper, red onion, cilantro, tomato croutons). That, paired with one of their beautiful salads (arugula, strawberry, red onion, walnut, Parmesan, lemon vinaigrette, plus roasted Brussels Sprouts and an egg) was the perfect balance of delicious Krust food and vegetables that I was craving. I didn’t deprive myself and skip dinner. I added the egg and didn’t fear its yolk. I ordered what I wanted, and what I wanted involved a lot of vegetables. I proved to myself that I can trust my body and its cravings!
Everyone else got pizza and thank goodness Kelly did not finish hers (hello selfish Caitlin) because I got to take home leftovers for my mom and I. These leftover slices contained, among other fabulous ingredients, egg, roasted Brussels, and local kale from Wellstone Farm in Higganum, CT. Again, I truly was not craving pizza. The thought of all the salt made me want to drink a gallon of water! But I knew I’d crave it another day.
Nick obviously hated his No Mozz (San Marzano, tomato, Parmesan, pepperoni, roasted garlic, oregano, EVOO, sea salt) pizza. Sorry, birthday boy.
Kelly and I obviously loved our food and drinks because we looked like this half the night.
I considered getting another drink but was glad I decided not to because as we paid the bill my eyes were already drooping. I was ready to go home and get in bed. But I still felt so grateful not only for being included in Nick’s special evening, but for being the one who got to pick its place of celebration. AND for Kelly being there for me earlier that morning when I texted her about the guilt I felt over my college-level Friday night. I’m so fortunate that this blog has brought me such a beautiful friend!
Sunday Night at Cuvee
I still woke up on Sunday morning feeling bad about myself, and my ED was also angry (though my true self was not regretful at all) that I’d gone out to a restaurant the night before, had a drink, and eaten restaurant food. I tried to ignore the thoughts and had a fun-filled day at the farmers market (more to come on that later this week). But what really was weighing on my mind was the plans I had that night to go to Paint Nite at Cuvee in West Hartford.
I had a Groupon to use and it came with a 24 hour cancellation policy, so I knew if I gave into regret I’d be losing out on $22 and what would likely be a fun time. In reality, what really kept me from cancelling was mostly the $22. I usually spend Sunday nights eating dinner at home and man oh man, did I feel like I could really use that evening in with a big old salad and again, lots of water. But in reality…I wanted to go to the event. I had so much fun at my last boozy painting class and I knew I should be grateful for the chance to even attend. Let’s be real, I also really did want food and drinks from Cuvee. I especially was craving one of their amazing champagne cocktails. I felt angry at myself. How could I want cocktails after Friday?! But I tried to trust my body and honor the craving. And it all went well!
I was again craving lots of green and the above salad totally hit the spot. It wasn’t enough food for a dinner, but all I could think about was that leftover Krust pizza, so I waited til I got home from the event so I could have a slice of that. I also saved money that way, which only helped me feel better!
I had two champagne cocktails over the course of the 2.5 hours I was there. I sipped them slowly, savored them, and was totally satisfied after two. I am not a lush! I don’t need to go out and lose control over my drinking all the time! See that, mind? My body knows what’s up. SO BACK OFF!
Quality time and girl talk with Jill seriously healed me. I could FEEL the weight of anxiety lifting off my shoulders with each passing moment. It was replaced with warm fuzzies over our friendship and how close we have become in such a short period of time. We laughed, we got teary-eyed, we made plans, we relived memories.
I proved to myself that this fun event was not about the food or drinks the restaurant was serving. It was about time spent with my close friend, on a special Sunday evening. It was about my seriously shitty watermelon painting, and being able to laugh at it (and its artist aka me).
So it may appear in the photo below that I was only proud of my artwork, but in reality I was proud of so much more. I was proud of what I’d proved to myself! Time may be a huge factor in healing regret, but living life and refusing to hide from it sure don’t hurt either.
When have you proven to yourself that you can trust your body?
Have you ever been to a painting lesson like this?
Do you have a go-to restaurant you can recommend to anyone and always know it’ll be good?