It feels good to be back with a “real” post! Since this past Monday evening when I had a mini-breakdown while on the phone with my mom, I have been wanting to address a topic that has been weighing on my mind since the start of November. For those who do not know, I work in the wine industry, for a Boston-based wine negociant called 90+ Cellars. Starting 11/1 (and even before that), the holiday season is really in full swing. I have been planning for Thanksgiving since September but now it’s REALLY here and things at work have been really busy. Still loving the job, no worries, but I’m working more than full-time in the office (plus events in the evenings and weekends). I also have been finding myself staying late and doing work-related tasks over the weekends. This results in spending more time at work.
Time is a finite resource. More time at work means less time spent on other stuff. Like what? Well, I like to go out with my friends some weeknights and on weekends. There are some non-work-related events that still peak my interest. I run errands, I do chores. I’m (trying) to keep up with pleasure reading. And oh yeah, that other little thing that I certainly spend much of my finite time thinking about…the gym.
Some days I have an event or plans with friends in the evening, so I work out in the morning. I know that so many people tout the benefits of 5AM workout club but I cannot stand working out in the morning. When I do so, I keep it shorter and/or less intense than a post-work workout. And when I have lots of events or plans with friends after work, these shorter/less intense workouts really add up in my mind. Other times, I don’t have events after work but just get out and am so EXHAUSTED. I have skipped the gym after work for no reason other than being tired, about three times since moving to Boston. That is something I had NEVER let myself do back in Connecticut. And on weekends, even if I have time for an hour-long workout, I’ve found myself leaving the gym after 30-45 minutes just because I’m sick of being there.
To me, the reasons I do shorter/less intense workouts (or skip the gym altogether) are just excuses. Tired? Plenty of people work out HARD on less than 8 hours of sleep. No time? Well make less plans with friends, and spend more of that time at the gym. In my mind, I should prioritize the gym directly underneath work – and put relaxation and fun after that.
After conversations with my therapist and my mom, I’ve gotten advice to allow myself to relax. To believe that “I deserve”. To realize that I do enough. But it’s hard to favor the voices of others over the voice in my head, when I have bigger pants (more on that some other time) and weight gain staring me in the face.
I’m not exactly sure how to end this post. I just want to share where I’m at right now, and the internal battles I’ve been fighting. Don’t worry, I still took a rest day this past Friday despite having done “only” twenty minutes of weights/abs the day before.
Do you ever struggle with what to cut out when you have to spend more time on something else?
Do you have a hard time defining what is an “excuse” and what is “legit”?