Tag Archives: recovery

One Week Later…

Well well well, where did the time go? This is the second time since I moved to Boston that I went a week without blogging – oops! I’ve been really busy – each weekend this summer is seriously already “booked” with plans, some home and some and away, some personal and some work related. It overwhelms me when I think about it, but then I try to tell myself to just NOT think about it, and take it one week at a time.

Working an event this past Sunday – I matched the Rose!

Previously on Cait Plus Ate (let’s say this in the Emily Thorn voice, a la Revenge), I was having a really tough time trying to figure out what was “okay” to do –  in terms of healthy living – while in recovery. I’d had a long Memorial Day weekend of plans that involved drinking and “risky” food, so I decided to abstain from alcohol for a few days. That actually ended up being no big deal and, I feel at least, not related to deprivation. I really just didn’t want anything to drink, and my body felt better for it. Perhaps that’s why Friday nights beverages hit me way harder than I anticipated, but that’s a story for another time.

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What I’m “Allowed”

This is a post that’s been weighing on the back of my mind for awhile now and on the front of my mind the entire Memorial Day weekend. I’m still struggling with recovery and what it means in terms of what I’m “allowed” to feel about my body, or what I’m “allowed” to do about my body if my feelings about it are not so favorable. I continue to have great weekends and attend fun events in Boston – and when I go home! I continue to do a pretty good job of not depriving myself. But I also continue to feel as if my body is changing in ways I strongly dislike (dare I say hate), as a result of all that lack of deprivation. I feel like my lack of deprivation is actually overdoing it. I feel as if I’m on the opposite end of the spectrum now, and my body shows it. I feel so uncomfortable in my own skin. I feel gross. I feel disgusting. Last night I met up with Jen for a patio drink to conclude our holiday weekend, and I wore a dress I purchased back on Black Friday 2011. It felt so tight on me, and I felt like I was busting out of it. I felt self-conscious and wished I was wearing something more bag-like. I kept mentally pulling up in my mind photos of me in the same dress when I wore it in Orlando in March 2012, or at the Mohegan Sun BrewFest later that same year.

Before dinner with my parents, in Orlando.

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I Peeked

I’ve told my scale story in the past. I haven’t had any plans to step on a scale in quite awhile. I haven’t even felt tempted. But last week during a visit to the doctor, after I stepped on the scale backwards and asked the nurse not to tell me my weight, I began to wonder. And once we got to the examination room and she set the clipboard down, I couldn’t resist a sudden urge to look over at the paper where she’d written down my weight. And I peeked.

So I saw how much I weighed, and I actually breathed a sigh of relief. Because in my mind, since I’ve been feeling as if I go out too often and don’t work out enough, I felt sure that I’d gained a significant amount of weight. I often find myself hating the way my pants feel, and without a scale in my life, that’s been my personal measure of body change. But the number I saw wasn’t as high as I’d assumed it’d be. And that made me happy.

Today’s shorts – I used to absolutely need a belt with these (last summer) but now I can get away with not wearing one. I’ve definitely noticed.

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Meh In My Monday

I know Monday is when I’m supposed to come in with a Marvelous In My Monday post and recap my marvelous weekend, negative thoughts and anxieties in all. I know I’m supposed to use MIMM posts as a way to remind myself of the marvelous in my life that I’m lucky to have – and then that’s supposed to cheer me up. But I really don’t feel like going that route today because I’m just feeling so meh. I have a lot of crap weighing on my mind, and it’s not all ED/recovery related. Instead of focusing on the marvelous to distract myself, I really just want to talk about it all and get it off my chest. So that’s what I’m going to do.

But I guess I’ll get the food/fitness stuff out of the way. My week last week was the most meh workout week I’ve had in a long time. I had work-related events going on a couple of evenings, plus Marathon Monday and plans Friday night, so the only day I was able to do an after-work gym session (which means my beloved group fitness) was Tuesday. That was great but the other days of the week were morning workouts, no classes, and by the end of the week I was just so over it. I have a hard time motivating myself without classes and getting wrapped up in anxiety about not working “hard enough” without a class only makes me feel less motivated to push myself.

Thursday I went out with coworkers after work and had an awesome time but woke up at 3AM with 1.5 hour long insomnia. When my alarm went off for the gym – another solo session – I debated for a bit and decided to say screw it. Rest day for me. Well I never went back to sleep despite the fact that I felt EXHAUSTED, which only made me feel lazy for skipping the gym. Thankfully my mood improved a bit after I skipped out on Friday afternoon wine tasting at work and also walked two miles to meet Annie for dinner (all the while phone chatting with Kaitlin).

Classy picstitch courtesy of Annie!

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Thinking Out Loud: Recovery Update

Not only has it been a couple of week since I joined Amanda‘s Thinking Out Loud Thursday link-up, but it’s also been awhile since I addressed how I’m doing (since moving to Boston) with my ongoing ED recovery journey. (If you’re new to my blog, you can read about my past and progress on my About Me.) I thought I’d go for a combo and update everyone in a random-thoughts format. But the bottom line is: It’s going pretty well!

1. I’ve found a therapist…for now at least. The person I’m seeing (we’ve had about 4 bi-weekly sessions at this point) is not nearly as helpful (so far) as my therapist in CT, but at the same time I haven’t felt as much of a “need” to see a therapist since I’m just so busy and also quite happy here, so I guess I’d call her good enough. I honestly didn’t have the energy to keep looking for someone…this person is a five minute walk from my office, so I can just pop out and see her over a lunch break and then come back. I just haven’t been getting a ton out of the appointments, except the chance to talk at someone and get feedback. Yet perhaps at this point that’s all I really need. I’m still thinking on this one.

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Marvelous Mexico!

Here I am, back after the longest blogging break I have ever taken, and another year older as well! This is my first blog post published since my vacation to Cancun and also my first as a 25 year old. But instead of separate birthday (it was this past Saturday 3/22) and vacation (it ended on my birthday) posts, I’m just going to roll them into one, because vacations and birthdays are BOTH marvelous.

Whether it’s been one week or one day, you can share your marvelous by linking up with Katie.

Marvelous was…waking up in Mexico on my birthday. Though that was the last day of our trip, I’m going to start with it because birthdays are always exciting. I’d planned to wake up before our flight back to CT and work out, but upon waking I decided to instead take advantage of my last moments of warmth and go walk on the beach. That in itself says a lot about my personal growth over the last year. I definitely had time to work out, and had plans to go out to eat that night too, but instead of doing so I really just wanted to soak up a little more sun, sand, and blue skies before boarding a plane to the land where spring will never seemingly come.

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Thinking Out Loud: First Week

Time to blog is short to come by these days! But all day long I’ve always got blog ideas popping up in my head and I’m always anxious to put them to digital-paper. I may not have time to do a whole post expanding on each of my ideas, but I always have time to think out loud with Amanda!

1. My first day of work went well! I showed up without my laptop because I’m used to working for a job where a PC is provided, but I’d much prefer to use my own laptop and the beauty of living so close to my job is I could easily walk to my apartment to grab it! I had a great time learning our e-commerce system for online wine purchases, brainstorming promotional ideas, and meeting my new co-workers. To be excited for the next day of work is a new feeling for me and one I could easily get used to!

First day of work selfie. I’m still riding high on my braid-making semi-abilities. I also have realized some form of headwear covering the ears is essential in Boston.

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Five Things Friday: Giterdone.

Just like with last week’s snow day, this week I was SO grateful to have one. Yesterday we got a load of snow dumped on us and that was (for once) fine with me because I was working away getting ALL the things done for my move to Boston. I honestly don’t even know when I would have had time to do it all; I’m picturing late night packing-and-panicking. Last week I spent my snow day apartment-hunting, and that ended up working out great. This week I spent the morning making lots of phone calls, and the afternoon getting a huge load of stuff ready to go with my mom, brother, and me to Boston tomorrow.

Linking up with Clare to share five things I got done!

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Transition Tuesday: CT to Boston

Man oh man, moving involves a LOT of transitions. It seems every moment I figure out how to go about one of them, another pops up! It’s like I’m Hercules fighting the hydra.

Source

But every little step forward, even if it’s just printing a blank form (here’s looking at you Mass RMV), makes me feel better. As does talking it out. So let’s talk about the many transitions involved in my upcoming move from Connecticut to Boston. Oh, and I’m asking you guys for advice, so advise away!

Apartment

I got approved for the apartment that I put in an application for on Saturday! I overnighted the signed lease yesterday and I got a call this morning to tell me it’s official. THE APARTMENT IS MINE! My parents and I are taking a trip to Boston this Saturday to get my keys and move in a bunch of my stuff. The big move will take place next Saturday, and will involve transporting furniture like my bed, dresser, desk, a table, chairs, and more. And if there is anything at all that you have needed for your apartment that you never would have imagined…please let me know because I’m sure I’ll forget to buy a bunch of stuff I need! And I will be posting photos as soon as I can!

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MIMM: I Did It!

I don’t exactly feel quite as cheery as this title and its exclamation point make it seem, but I still feel a hell of a lot better than I did yesterday. I can’t remember the last time I blogged on a weekend but I did yesterday, just a quick rant, because I was sitting at my laptop feeling sorry for and doubtful of myself. I set out to prove to my all-or-nothing mind that I could enjoy last night’s Super Bowl eats without going overboard, without getting too full, and also without restricting. Well I proved to myself just that, so that’s pretty marvelous.

Link up with Katie today and share your marvelous.

In terms of beverages, I decided to start with a beer I purchased a long time ago and was saving for a beer-esque evening such as Super Bowl Sunday. Plus I thought it’d be easy to sip slowly. John Henry 3-Lick Spiker Ale was recommended to me at Yankee Spirits because I shared with the sales associate that I am a bourbon lover. This beer is aged in bourbon oak chips and I adored it! I want to try some more John Henry beers now. After the beer I switched to another special something that I was motivated to sip slowly – the last of some Johnnie Walker Blue my dad had! What a marvelous guy (my dad, not Johnnie). The evening later ended with champagne…Andres, not so marvelous, but it’ll do.

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Meet Caitlin

I’m a 28 year old full-time working girl living in Boston (previously lived in Connecticut). I’m passionate about food/drink, restaurants, self-love, fitness, and the ever-present search for balance. I write about that journey on this blog – I hope you enjoy!

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Design Credit

My header was originally designed by Mai Le and later tweaked by Chris Roggi to match this theme, which he helped me customize. He also moved me over to self-hosting! Both can be contacted through their sites for design & development work!

Disclaimer

I am not an RD and do not have any official training, certifications, or degrees in nutrition or fitness. This blog is a way to write about my life. Any views I express are mine alone, based on what works for me, and should never be taken as medical advice. Always talk to your doctor or a trained professional before starting a new diet or fitness plan. In addition, this blog and its content are in no way affiliated with Kate Gosselin, “Kate Plus 8”, TLC, or any related affiliates.

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