Tag Archives: recovery

Marvelous Massachusetts and Plan B

Man, I definitely need positive reminders of marvelous on this Monday morning. My morning commute involved a nose bleed and the shocking realization that my car’s tissue stock was depleted long ago – and never had been replenished. The fall air is here, with a vengeance!

Join Katie in this marvelous link-up!

Marvelous is…finally visiting my darling blend Kelly in Massachusetts! About a month ago, we made a plan for me to stay over this past Friday to Saturday. The timing could not have worked out any better and I was so happy to be able to be there for Kelly and her family during a tough time in their lives.

We’ve hung out a bunch on my CT turf, but this was my first visit to hers in MA!

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Cait Plus Rach in Newport – Part 2

Before reading this final post about my first two posts on my long weekend in Rhode Island, you can read the first two posts – about an afternoon in Providence and our first few restaurant stops in Newport – if you missed them!

Saturday Afternoon

After being sufficiently wined at Newport Vineyards, Rachel and I made our way back to Downtown Newport to try a new (only a few months old) spot we’d both eyed the night before – Midtown Oyster BarThe main allure came from the rooftop dining options, but the inside of the restaurant, with its multiple levels and huge open spaces, was gorgeous as well.

View from our seat!

View from our table!

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My Very Own Burger

I used to take issue with Plan B Burger Bar‘s menu and its lack of good veggie sides or interesting and healthy entrees/burgers. Over this past year as I have made progress in my recovery (though it’s definitely still in progress) and become more open to ordering a bit more “adventurously” at restaurants, I’ve come to realize that the restaurant is actually very good at what it sets out to do – make great burgers, offer delicious beer, and serve tasty bourbon. Plan B is a burger bar and a burger bar does not put focus on vegetable sides – no matter how much I might want them to, it just doesn’t fit their image. I’ve also started noticing that Plan B’s burger specials are very fit for a foodie – I have sampled both the PB&J Burger and the Georgia Peach Burger over the last several months and felt that both were life-changing!

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Marvelous Newport Weekend

I visited my second favorite place ever (after Las Vegas) – Newport, RIthis past Saturday to Sunday with my family and family friends. Though I struggled yesterday in the late afternoon and evening with the fun I had this weekend – the more I enjoy life, the guiltier I feel and the feel more anxiety about gaining weight and “misbehaving” – I am glad that I did not let fear stop me from living out each moment to its fullest.

Make sure you join the marvelous party!

I kicked off the weekend in the best way possible – with a blend meetup. The fabulous Alyssa mentioned in her blog post on Friday that she was going to be headed to Newport for a wedding. HUH-WHAT?! I messaged her on Facebook immediately, incoherently babbling with excitement, to find out when exactly she’d be in town. She was busy with wedding festivities most of the weekend, but we found time to meet in the parking lot of the Best Western for a few hot seconds of huge hugs, tears, and selfies. Can’t wait to see this girl again, and next time we better have drinks in our hands – and meet up for more than five minutes.

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Leaving Behind An Empty Life

On Sunday morning I opened an email from a fellow blogger, sent to me in response to this post. It contained a sentence that really stood out to me, and also inspired me to write this post, which has been brewing in some form or another in my head for the last few weeks. The sentence was: “… I realized that the weight I had previously been was in no way sustainable unless I lived a life that was isolating and inherently quite empty.”

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That photo of me was taken in August 2010, soon before I sought help for an eating disorder. 100% honesty – I love how I look in that picture. I felt confident that day. I felt attractive. But do you know what else I felt? Hungry. I remember I packed a wrap for lunch (I’d skipped breakfast) using a 90-calorie FlatOut wrap. After I finished it, I barely felt a dent in my hunger, but I didn’t eat again until dinner. I’d skipped breakfast and worked out that morning. While my friends bought ice creams at the beach, I tried not to watch them enjoying their summer treats. I tried to give myself props and tell myself it was all worth it.

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My Latest Fear

Thanks for your comments on my four Glassses.com frame options, which I shared in the most recent Fashion Friday post. I will let you all know once my new glasses arrived which option I went with!

My cranky-pants are on in full force this morning. I should probably write a Marvelous In My Monday post to cheer myself up, but I didn’t have time yesterday to get all my weekend photos transferred to WordPress and I also just don’t feel like it. I just need to rant/vant/etc.

I had a very fun last few days full of special moments with the family and friends I am lucky to have in my life. Okay, I’ve acknowledged that I’m extremely fortunate. I know that. But as I’ve mentioned before, the more I enjoy, the more afraid I get that I am going to gain weight and look awful. I’ve tried talking myself through these moments of fear and fighting the irrational thoughts with those based in self-love. I’ve gotten to a point where though I may still be tempted by my ED and restriction, I am able to make healthier choices that nourish me both mentally and physically in a way that no choices I made during the worst of my ED ever could have.

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The Alcohol Calorie Struggle

I mentioned briefly in Monday’s MIMM weekend recap that some portions of the weekend brought on anxiety and emotional struggles for me. Not surprisingly, these were ED-related…specifically to my feelings before and after drinking alcohol.

One of this past weekend's day drinks - Yellow Tail Sparkling Rose in Lilly Pulitzer glasses (of course).

One of this past weekend’s day drinks – Yellow Tail Sparkling Rose in Lilly Pulitzer acrylic wine glasses (of course).

Since I entered recovery, my relationship with alcohol and its “empty calories” has improved. To this day the number “seven” still sticks out in my head – as in the number of calories per gram of alcohol. I see this number in my mind each time I have a drink. The difference between me now and me two years ago is now I can actually take a sip of a drink, as in I can actually perform the action. I used to be crippled by such fear of empty alcohol calories, and my belief that they’d just pile up on my stomach in the form of fat, that I rarely ever drank. If I did, I had to be STARVING first to do so. My senior year of college, I’d barely eat all day long so that I could go out to the bars at night and drink rum and Diet Coke (gross).

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The New Path to Safety

Today’s post is something I’ve been meaning to write for awhile and I get more and more ideas for it the more I read awesome posts like this one, published this week by Alex. I’m at a point at which I’ve been able to do more than I have ever been able to do before in terms of food, and NOT do more than I have ever been able to do in terms of fitness. And as I’ve mentioned before, I’ve been happy about it, and that scares me. It’s almost like my eating disorder has gotten me used to unhappiness and hatred of myself as signs of safety. When I don’t wake up the morning after a restaurant event feeling the urge to skip breakfast, or when I don’t skip wine with dinner the night after an evening out enjoying several cocktails with friends, I get freaked out.

ALL the cheese.

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Outside Our (Workout) Comfort Zones

Please sing the title of this blog post to the tune of Brad Paisley’s “Southern Comfort Zone” – it’s a wonderful country song and a fabulous play on words. Country haters, please give it a chance. Plus Brad is a sexy man. Right Kelly?

Wow, my mom is seriously DYING over your positive reactions to her Mexican casserole recipe that I shared yesterday! Susan even made the recipe that very night, and I sent my mom her blog post with rave reviews from both her and her hubby.

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