What I’m “Allowed”

This is a post that’s been weighing on the back of my mind for awhile now and on the front of my mind the entire Memorial Day weekend. I’m still struggling with recovery and what it means in terms of what I’m “allowed” to feel about my body, or what I’m “allowed” to do about my body if my feelings about it are not so favorable. I continue to have great weekends and attend fun events in Boston – and when I go home! I continue to do a pretty good job of not depriving myself. But I also continue to feel as if my body is changing in ways I strongly dislike (dare I say hate), as a result of all that lack of deprivation. I feel like my lack of deprivation is actually overdoing it. I feel as if I’m on the opposite end of the spectrum now, and my body shows it. I feel so uncomfortable in my own skin. I feel gross. I feel disgusting. Last night I met up with Jen for a patio drink to conclude our holiday weekend, and I wore a dress I purchased back on Black Friday 2011. It felt so tight on me, and I felt like I was busting out of it. I felt self-conscious and wished I was wearing something more bag-like. I kept mentally pulling up in my mind photos of me in the same dress when I wore it in Orlando in March 2012, or at the Mohegan Sun BrewFest later that same year.

Before dinner with my parents, in Orlando.

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Gerard Bertrand at Bistro du Midi

Thanks so much for your support in response to Wednesday’s post! I’m proud of how far I’ve come and your kind words mean the world to me. I’ve said it before and I’ll say it again, my readers rock.

Last Tuesday my new friend Jay treated me to dinner at a lovely restaurant called Bistro du Midi, located on Boylston (near Boston’s iconic Newbury Street). I met Jay at Wine Riot (through Jeannie), and we ran into each other again at the Nantucket Wine Festival. He works for Gerard Bertrand, a French wine company that I actually am already very familiar with! Upon meeting I informed Jay of my love for the Gerard Bertrand dessert wine called Banyuls, and also the fact that I was already an overall GB wines fan. He invited me out to a Boston restaurant that carries Gerard Bertrand wines so that we could talk all things wine, restaurants, food, events, and more.

Jay and I at Nantucket Wine Fest!

The two-floor restaurant has a bar on each level and the second floor has spectacular views of the Boston Common! Jay said that around Christmas time, a second floor seat makes for excellent cozy dining and viewing of lights. I’m not anxious for winter to return anytime soon though, and the green Boston Common view was pretty darn nice too.

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I Peeked

I’ve told my scale story in the past. I haven’t had any plans to step on a scale in quite awhile. I haven’t even felt tempted. But last week during a visit to the doctor, after I stepped on the scale backwards and asked the nurse not to tell me my weight, I began to wonder. And once we got to the examination room and she set the clipboard down, I couldn’t resist a sudden urge to look over at the paper where she’d written down my weight. And I peeked.

So I saw how much I weighed, and I actually breathed a sigh of relief. Because in my mind, since I’ve been feeling as if I go out too often and don’t work out enough, I felt sure that I’d gained a significant amount of weight. I often find myself hating the way my pants feel, and without a scale in my life, that’s been my personal measure of body change. But the number I saw wasn’t as high as I’d assumed it’d be. And that made me happy.

Today’s shorts – I used to absolutely need a belt with these (last summer) but now I can get away with not wearing one. I’ve definitely noticed.

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My First Nantucket Weekend!

This past weekend I had the opportunity to travel to Nantucket for the island’s annual Wine Festival! I worked the Saturday afternoon Grand Tasting pouring 90+ Cellars and Ironside Cellars, but the rest of the weekend was spent tasting wine and food, exploring Nantucket’s shops and restaurants, and drinking champagne. Lots of champagne.

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Jeannie and I hit the road Friday morning and JUST missed our high-speed ferry, but luckily we were able to walk onto a freight (aka slow) ferry so that we could get onto the island ASAP. Our next high-speed ferry option wouldn’t have had us on the island until about 6PM! The crew of the ship got a kick out of us for some reason and invited us up to steer the ship. Okay not actually steer, but I did get to sit in the captain’s chair and use binoculars!

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What I DRANK Wednesday: Brugal Rum!

Okay, so I know it’s supposed to be What I Ate Wednesday. But I am overdue for a recap of a “drank-based” event I attended a little over a week ago, and who says I have to follow WIAW rules? Nahhh. Cocktails are about no rules! Especially on Tuesday nights…

I was invited by Emily of NYC-based M Booth to attend one of many Brugal Rum tasting and immersion opportunities happening last week at Boston’s Cyclorama. The event, titled #RumRedefined, involved first a lesson/tasting about three of Brugal’s products – Anejo Rum, Extra Dry Rum, and Brugal 1888.

Our cute “tasting tray” – started with the Anejo!

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Marvelous Barcelona – in Brookline!

I’ve written many blog posts about my experiences with meals and events at Barcelona Wine Bar‘s West Hartford location. It’s one of my favorite restaurants! So imagine how happy I was to realize that despite the fact that I was leaving Connecticut to move to Boston, I’d still be able to get my Barcelona fix, because there is a location in Brookline’s Washington Square. That’s a mile from my apartment! It’s not every day that one of my favorite restaurants happens to also be a small-ish (but growing!) restaurant group with a location near both my old and new homes. That’s pretty marvelous! (Now I just need a J. Gilbert’s and Krust to show up in Boston and I’ll be set.)

Seems like awhile since my last MIMM link-up!

But there are so many restaurants in Boston, and despite the fact that I’ve been living here for over two months now, I still hadn’t made it to Barcelona Brookline. Until this past Saturday night! My Boston blend Jen selected Barcelona as the spot to celebrate her 27th birthday, and I was psyched to finally have a night there planned. But between college graduations and Mother’s Day, the place was pretty booked. Luckily GM Jason Boske was nice enough to set aside a few bar tables for us! I first met Jason back when he was GM of the West Hartford location, and I was thrilled when I found out that he now is GM at Brookline. Seeing him again was so great!

Thanks Jason!

Thanks Jason!

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Boston Brunchers Ride-N-Dine

Psst…Tina is hosting a giveaway today on behalf of my employer 90+ Cellars! She’s giving away two tickets to our Boston Rose Cruise, so if you’re nearby or want to plan a weekend in Boston be sure to enter. She also is sharing a discount code!

I received the fitness class and meal in this post free of charge. All opinions of my experiences are my own. This is not a sponsored post.

As I mentioned last Friday, this past Sunday was my first Boston Brunchers event, featuring one of my favorite pairings: fitness and food! Or riding and dining, as the name of the event would suggest. Bloggers and social media gurus gathered in the gorgeous Chestnut Hill Square for a Soul Cycle class, followed by a sampling of the Brio brunch menu.

The workout ended up being perfectly timed because I was out and about the day/night prior and I stayed in bed right up until it was time to get ready to leave! Jeannie (of course she joined me!) and I were running a bit late but thankfully the ride actually began at 11:45AM. Just like my last Soul Cycle visit, I had a great experience. I loved both instructors but actually found this one, Molly, to be my favorite overall (Erin, you’re still awesome!).

My favorite part of the class was when Molly encouraged us to make it “not about losing 5 pounds, not about toned triceps”, but about what of SUBSTANCE we wanted to gain from being there. (Source)

The playlist was out of this world, and the arm portion killer on the shoulders! The 45 minute class was just what I was in the mood for and made me feel empowered and strong. I was going to perhaps splurge on a pricey tank top, but I had taken a cab home the night before and that was $20 gone, so I just couldn’t let myself do it! Some day!

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Spring at Seasons 52

Before I get rolling on this post, I want to announce the FIVE winners of my Taste of Nature bar giveaway! Another huge thanks to the company for offering that many prizes – very generous! The winners are:

I will be emailing you guys to connect you with Taste of Nature so you can arrange the receipt of your bars. Congrats and thanks to all who entered!

I received the food and drinks featured in this post free of charge. I had no idea that would be happening until I finished my meal, and all opinions of my experience are my own. This is not a sponsored post.

Seasons 52 is – as the name would suggest – all about seasonal food and drink. And seasonal often means the freshest, healthiest options. This is one of my favorite chains (it doesn’t even seem like a “chain”) and was first introduced to me when I started reading blogs. Once I finally got the chance to visit I saw what all the hype was about and even “converted” my family into Seasons 52 lovers. Now whenever we visit anywhere with a location nearby, we all have got to go!

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Five Things Friday: Marvelous!

My Taste of Nature bar giveaway ends tonight, and it has FIVE winners, so make sure you enter!

I missed the Marvelous In My Monday party this week but better late than never right? This week has been loads better than the last and I’m excited to link up with Clare today to share five marvelous things on Five Things Friday!

1. My workouts this week have been way better!

Thank goodness I was able to get back to my evening group fitness classes. Monday I took Danielle’s amazing spin class, and I took another pretty good spin class on Tuesday evening. Wednesday night I invited Jeannie to join me for Total Body Conditioning and I’m so glad I did because I may have copped out and done a not-as-tough StepMill workout instead if I hadn’t already committed to the class by inviting her! She was super curious since I am always talking about how tough the class is and yeah…it was tough. But we both felt great after and want to commit to going every week. I’m glad to have someone to motivate me to attend! Here’s one of the moves we did:

2. I’m proud of how well I handled Wednesday’s dinner out.

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Meet Caitlin

I’m a 28 year old full-time working girl living in Boston (previously lived in Connecticut). I’m passionate about food/drink, restaurants, self-love, fitness, and the ever-present search for balance. I write about that journey on this blog – I hope you enjoy!

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Design Credit

My header was originally designed by Mai Le and later tweaked by Chris Roggi to match this theme, which he helped me customize. He also moved me over to self-hosting! Both can be contacted through their sites for design & development work!

Disclaimer

I am not an RD and do not have any official training, certifications, or degrees in nutrition or fitness. This blog is a way to write about my life. Any views I express are mine alone, based on what works for me, and should never be taken as medical advice. Always talk to your doctor or a trained professional before starting a new diet or fitness plan. In addition, this blog and its content are in no way affiliated with Kate Gosselin, “Kate Plus 8”, TLC, or any related affiliates.

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