Tag Archives: self love

Proving Myself to…Myself

I sure hope someone catches the “Austin Powers” reference in the title…

I have the best readers in the world – thanks for your comments on yesterday’s post! I was already feeling a lot better when I published it Monday morning but I still had lingering feelings of regret that were holding on tightly. Like I wrote yesterday, time has been a huge part of making me feel better but your kind words help too. The way I spent my Saturday and Sunday evenings, post-Friday-evening-debacle, also gave myself the PROOF my mind needed to see that drinking all the drinks and spending all the dollars (I hope you caught that Alex) will not become habit and is not something I’ll keep wanting to do.

Saturday Night at Krust

Friends are the best medicine!

Friends are the best medicine!

Saturday night I had plans to attend the birthday dinner of Kelly‘s hubby Nick. I’d recommended to them one of my fave restaurants around, Krust Pizza Bar in Middletown. I have to be honest…I considered cancelling. I wanted to sit in my house and eat a salad and drink water, to punish myself for overdoing it on the alcohol the previous night. But I also knew that surrounding myself with loved ones and being a part of celebrating Nick’s special day would mean a lot to both me AND Kelly and Nick. Plus, staying in would have been letting the regret win. So I showered, put on a cute outfit, and headed out!

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R and R: Rest and Regret

I loved reading the comments on Friday’s post about Instagram media literacy! I figured many of you would be able to relate and I will be replying to the comments and continuing the discussion as soon as I can.

Major thanks again to everyone who was so supportive of my planned rest day this past Friday, from those who had tweets waiting for me before I even woke up, to those who checked in the day after. Whenever I wasn’t THINKING about not waking up to work out before or not driving to the gym after work, I felt okay. In fact (I will never not ask you guys to support me so please don’t take this the wrong way), sometimes I’d be good and not thinking about missing a workout and then I’d get a tweet or text asking me how the rest day was going, which unfortunately reminded me that I was taking one and made me feel guilty again. Catch-22!

UConn reunion: Ravi, Kelly, me, and Jeff.

UConn reunion: Ravi, Kelly, me, and Jeff.

My co-worker convinced me to pop into a Friday happy hour at a dive bar down the street from the office, because I always miss co-worker gatherings since I hit the gym after work. I figured since I wasn’t going to the gym that day, I should take advantage and stop by before I went to meet my college friends (above) for dinner and a night out. Ravi and Kelly were visiting from Long Island and Redding, CT (respectively) so that’s why I felt missing the gym and spending more time with them was important.

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Insta-Media Literacy

I want to start today’s post by wishing the happiest of happy birthdays to my dear blend Maria! I’m so thankful to have met you through blogging and cannot wait to see you in August!

Drinks at 116 Crown!

Drinks at 116 Crown!

I also have to say THANK YOU to everyone for your supportive tweets and comments regarding the rest day I’m taking today. I woke up this morning with such an urge to fit in a workout before work but your words seriously stopped me and reminded me of the commitment I made in yesterday’s post. I need to do this to prove to myself mentally that nothing bad will happen because of this rest day and I won’t become permanently lazy. That’s just as important as giving my body this physical rest.

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Three Things Thursday: A Discount, A Campaign, A Leap

Happy almost-Friday, folks. Our database and email network are both down at work today so you are definitely hearing from me. I have a few little things to talk about so I figured a fun, random post was in order.

1. Kona Kase Discount Code

I just received the July Kona Kase to review and will be sharing that eventually. I already received and reviewed the June Kase…you may recall I felt it contained more products for endurance athletes than I need (aka I need none) so I am looking forward to finding out what’s in the July box and seeing if the products are more “me”! I’m not withholding that information from you on purpose…I truly don’t know because I haven’t opened it yet. While you’re waiting for my review though, you can look at my June review and use a new discount code “GIFTSUMMER” to get $5 off your first Kase. That means $10 to try Kona Kase, which I think is a good deal given how much the products inside would probably cost separately.

2. Heather Waxman’s Kickstarter Campaign

Heather is taking a huge leap and pursuing her dream of combining her vocal talent with her desire to spread the word about the benefits of meditation. She’s started a Kickstarter campaign and needs $3,500.00 of funding by August 8 in order to create and distribute her very first meditation album, “Soul Sessions”. It will be available via digital download as well as CD, and backers can get their own copies (and more) as a thank you for donating. Even if you can only donate $5 it will help, so please take a moment to check out the video about her campaign and back it if you support it!

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Leaving Behind An Empty Life

On Sunday morning I opened an email from a fellow blogger, sent to me in response to this post. It contained a sentence that really stood out to me, and also inspired me to write this post, which has been brewing in some form or another in my head for the last few weeks. The sentence was: “… I realized that the weight I had previously been was in no way sustainable unless I lived a life that was isolating and inherently quite empty.”

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That photo of me was taken in August 2010, soon before I sought help for an eating disorder. 100% honesty – I love how I look in that picture. I felt confident that day. I felt attractive. But do you know what else I felt? Hungry. I remember I packed a wrap for lunch (I’d skipped breakfast) using a 90-calorie FlatOut wrap. After I finished it, I barely felt a dent in my hunger, but I didn’t eat again until dinner. I’d skipped breakfast and worked out that morning. While my friends bought ice creams at the beach, I tried not to watch them enjoying their summer treats. I tried to give myself props and tell myself it was all worth it.

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My Latest Fear

Thanks for your comments on my four Glassses.com frame options, which I shared in the most recent Fashion Friday post. I will let you all know once my new glasses arrived which option I went with!

My cranky-pants are on in full force this morning. I should probably write a Marvelous In My Monday post to cheer myself up, but I didn’t have time yesterday to get all my weekend photos transferred to WordPress and I also just don’t feel like it. I just need to rant/vant/etc.

I had a very fun last few days full of special moments with the family and friends I am lucky to have in my life. Okay, I’ve acknowledged that I’m extremely fortunate. I know that. But as I’ve mentioned before, the more I enjoy, the more afraid I get that I am going to gain weight and look awful. I’ve tried talking myself through these moments of fear and fighting the irrational thoughts with those based in self-love. I’ve gotten to a point where though I may still be tempted by my ED and restriction, I am able to make healthier choices that nourish me both mentally and physically in a way that no choices I made during the worst of my ED ever could have.

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Plank Challenge Met!

Yesterday I hit up my gym for my second-ever TRX personal training session with Marcy. She was kind enough to offer me a freebie after I blogged about my first one for Kaitlin! And I now have two more freebies under my belt (or yoga pant waistband) because before we did our TRX, I accepted – and met – the Healthtrax Abs of Steel June challenge!

I had to hold good form for the whole five minutes. The bottom right is me immediately after finishing. Sweet relief! (That’s what she said.)

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Resting Up For A Plank Challenge!

Oh what a weekend! Summer 2013 continued to deliver with fun activities like…

  • …taking my parents out for an epic night of cocktails and pizza at Krust in Middletown on Friday night (we’re already planning our next trip back)
  • …visiting the Willy Wonka Chocolate Factory of liquor stores in MA (Yankee Spirits) on the day they happened to be having a wine tasting gala
  • …attending the Glastonbury Rotary Club Lobster Fest yet again (blog post to come!)
  • …destroying a Saturday morning Group Power class
  • …my first beach trip of the summer!

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The Alcohol Calorie Struggle

I mentioned briefly in Monday’s MIMM weekend recap that some portions of the weekend brought on anxiety and emotional struggles for me. Not surprisingly, these were ED-related…specifically to my feelings before and after drinking alcohol.

One of this past weekend's day drinks - Yellow Tail Sparkling Rose in Lilly Pulitzer glasses (of course).

One of this past weekend’s day drinks – Yellow Tail Sparkling Rose in Lilly Pulitzer acrylic wine glasses (of course).

Since I entered recovery, my relationship with alcohol and its “empty calories” has improved. To this day the number “seven” still sticks out in my head – as in the number of calories per gram of alcohol. I see this number in my mind each time I have a drink. The difference between me now and me two years ago is now I can actually take a sip of a drink, as in I can actually perform the action. I used to be crippled by such fear of empty alcohol calories, and my belief that they’d just pile up on my stomach in the form of fat, that I rarely ever drank. If I did, I had to be STARVING first to do so. My senior year of college, I’d barely eat all day long so that I could go out to the bars at night and drink rum and Diet Coke (gross).

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It’s OK!…Healthy Living Blogger Version

Kaitlin and Sarah both recently did posts about the healthy living blogger stereotypes that DON’T fit them, and I totally love the idea. I wanted to do my own post with a version of their idea in Glamour‘s “It’s OK!” format. I love that feature and what it’s all about – very #sorrynotsorry. Which by the way, now pops up on my iPhone as soon as I type the word “sorry”. Guess I’m #sorrynotsorry a lot, huh?

So hey healthy living bloggers – it’s OK…

…to think oatmeal is extremely boring and lame. I know, I can add stuff to it to make it more exciting, but I just don’t feel like it.

…to hate running. Music is just not enough to keep me entertained, nor is scenery.

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Meet Caitlin

I’m a 28 year old full-time working girl living in Boston (previously lived in Connecticut). I’m passionate about food/drink, restaurants, self-love, fitness, and the ever-present search for balance. I write about that journey on this blog – I hope you enjoy!

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Design Credit

My header was originally designed by Mai Le and later tweaked by Chris Roggi to match this theme, which he helped me customize. He also moved me over to self-hosting! Both can be contacted through their sites for design & development work!

Disclaimer

I am not an RD and do not have any official training, certifications, or degrees in nutrition or fitness. This blog is a way to write about my life. Any views I express are mine alone, based on what works for me, and should never be taken as medical advice. Always talk to your doctor or a trained professional before starting a new diet or fitness plan. In addition, this blog and its content are in no way affiliated with Kate Gosselin, “Kate Plus 8”, TLC, or any related affiliates.

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