Tag Archives: anxiety

Marvelously Overwhelmed

I had a marvelous weekend, but it was busy, and left me extremely overwhelmed. Like to the point of sobbing on the phone to my mom and not being able to follow through on Sunday’s plans because I worked myself up to the point of mental and physical exhaustion. I seem to always need to re-learn the same lesson, every few months, about over-exerting myself. This summer has been so fun and as much as I’m dreading the colder weather, I think I need fall to get here so that I’ll start slowing down. (Oh but I’m travelling three weekends in September, I’ll try not to think about that for now.)

Link up with Katie today to share your marvelous!

Still, there is plenty of marvelous about this past weekend in CT (yes, another one) to be thankful for.

Marvelous is…meeting my parents at Mohegan Sun for another overnight stay. The fam can’t seem to get enough of the casino lately and I’m not complaining about it one bit!

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Wouldn’t It Be Nice…

I made marvelous memories this past weekend but I also spent much of it in a negative funk with too much focus on body image, guilt, fear, comparison traps, and myself in general. The idea for this post popped up in my head yesterday I was taking a walk after the gym and feeling bad for leaving Zumba class halfway through because it was causing lots of pain in my shin.

Because, wouldn’t it be nice…

…if rest could be viewed as a component of a workout/training plan, and not a break from it?

…if putting on pants wasn’t something that needed to be preceded by a pep talk?

7-25-14-bachelorette3

 

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Trade Em Up Tuesday: Because It’s Not Monday

I tend to recap my weekends in the form of Marvelous In My Monday, but I didn’t feel like blogging Sunday night and yesterday was too busy. So since it’s Tuesday, this weekend recap is coming to you in the form of Trade ‘Em Up Tuesday, which I haven’t done in awhile (holy – since before I had my new job!) anyway.

I would not trade…the Friday night that I really needed. As I mentioned in Friday’s post, I felt like a big whale all day thanks to a looooong wine tasting and dinner for work the previous night. What kept me going all day was the knowledge that I’d be able to spend my evening with great people! First I met Jen at Eastern Standard for her first visit there (!!!) and we enjoyed some relaxing girl time over drinks and yummy food. Thankfully Jen agreed that the restaurant lived up to my hype and it was another nice visit of great service and spot-on cocktail recs!

My first drink – the Red Hook – a Manhattan-like cocktail. I took a sip and said “ahhh”.

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Whale of a Time

I had so much fun at Saturday’s Boston Rose Cruise (check out Kat’s recap too!) – a whale-sized (aka large) amount of fun. Not only did Kat come to Boston to join me, my 90+ Cellars co-workers, and Eventbrite ticket-buyers for the three-hour Rose-only all-pink-wearing boat cruise, but my mom, sister, Greg, and Jen did as well!

MY PEOPLE! (Photo by Sean Fowler.)

MY PEOPLE! (Photo by Sean Fowler.)

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Meh In My Monday

I know Monday is when I’m supposed to come in with a Marvelous In My Monday post and recap my marvelous weekend, negative thoughts and anxieties in all. I know I’m supposed to use MIMM posts as a way to remind myself of the marvelous in my life that I’m lucky to have – and then that’s supposed to cheer me up. But I really don’t feel like going that route today because I’m just feeling so meh. I have a lot of crap weighing on my mind, and it’s not all ED/recovery related. Instead of focusing on the marvelous to distract myself, I really just want to talk about it all and get it off my chest. So that’s what I’m going to do.

But I guess I’ll get the food/fitness stuff out of the way. My week last week was the most meh workout week I’ve had in a long time. I had work-related events going on a couple of evenings, plus Marathon Monday and plans Friday night, so the only day I was able to do an after-work gym session (which means my beloved group fitness) was Tuesday. That was great but the other days of the week were morning workouts, no classes, and by the end of the week I was just so over it. I have a hard time motivating myself without classes and getting wrapped up in anxiety about not working “hard enough” without a class only makes me feel less motivated to push myself.

Thursday I went out with coworkers after work and had an awesome time but woke up at 3AM with 1.5 hour long insomnia. When my alarm went off for the gym – another solo session – I debated for a bit and decided to say screw it. Rest day for me. Well I never went back to sleep despite the fact that I felt EXHAUSTED, which only made me feel lazy for skipping the gym. Thankfully my mood improved a bit after I skipped out on Friday afternoon wine tasting at work and also walked two miles to meet Annie for dinner (all the while phone chatting with Kaitlin).

Classy picstitch courtesy of Annie!

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More Birthday Stuff

Thank you for your props in response to my Mexico/birthday themed Marvelous In My Monday post! I really appreciate it, especially after my less frequent blogging as of late. But I still have more to say about my 25th birthday, which was this past Saturday. When I wrote the MIMM post, I was on the airplane and it was my birthday afternoon. I was feelin’ good! However the evening presented new challenges. I overcame them, but my birthday weekend wasn’t completely the rosy picture that my last post painted.

Before boarding the plane though, I did make a new friend from Ohio. He wanted to pose with me as I showed off the gin & tonic sample I received IN THE AIRPORT. Gotta love the duty-free shop in Mexico.

Before boarding the plane though, I did make a new friend from Ohio. He wanted to pose with me as I showed off the gin & tonic sample I received IN THE AIRPORT. Gotta love the duty-free shop in Mexico.

I had birthday dinner plans at my favorite restaurant, J Gilbert’s, with my very close friend (and blog namer, I can’t not mention that) Rachel. It was my first time seeing her since my move to Boston and also my first time seeing her since she got engaged! We started the evening off right with our barrel-aged Manhattans (or as we like to call him, Mr. Manhattan).

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That Augustana Song

You know the song I’m talking about…

 

I’ve been being all mysterious about my future, a waiting game, etc. Well I’m happy to report that today I can finally spill to you guys. While the job I held for 2 years and 7 months has been good to me, and while I have learned a lot there, it has not fulfilled my passions. I think it’s easy to see what those are. Food, restaurants, wine, cocktails, fitness, marketing, social media, all things digital. That’s why I’ve been on the hunt since this past May for a job that is more me, in an industry in which I could truly see myself building a career.

Thanks to a connection and this blog (I started this blog partially to serve as a walking/talking resume, and it has done just that for me), I can announce today that I have put in my two weeks notice with my current employer. I’m going to be starting a new job in digital marketing in the wine industry and am moving away from Connecticut…to work in Boston.

Don't mind the blatantly fake Chanel.

Please disregard the blatantly fake Chanel.

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MIMM: I Did It!

I don’t exactly feel quite as cheery as this title and its exclamation point make it seem, but I still feel a hell of a lot better than I did yesterday. I can’t remember the last time I blogged on a weekend but I did yesterday, just a quick rant, because I was sitting at my laptop feeling sorry for and doubtful of myself. I set out to prove to my all-or-nothing mind that I could enjoy last night’s Super Bowl eats without going overboard, without getting too full, and also without restricting. Well I proved to myself just that, so that’s pretty marvelous.

Link up with Katie today and share your marvelous.

In terms of beverages, I decided to start with a beer I purchased a long time ago and was saving for a beer-esque evening such as Super Bowl Sunday. Plus I thought it’d be easy to sip slowly. John Henry 3-Lick Spiker Ale was recommended to me at Yankee Spirits because I shared with the sales associate that I am a bourbon lover. This beer is aged in bourbon oak chips and I adored it! I want to try some more John Henry beers now. After the beer I switched to another special something that I was motivated to sip slowly – the last of some Johnnie Walker Blue my dad had! What a marvelous guy (my dad, not Johnnie). The evening later ended with champagne…Andres, not so marvelous, but it’ll do.

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Trusting Myself

Thursday, Friday, and Saturday were hard for me. Thursday I ate an un-planned carby dinner. Friday I was out with friends who didn’t finish their grilled cheese or their fries, so I ate them. Saturday I had a delicious meal with friends at a new-to-me hole-in-the-wall gem of a restaurant, Suso. The food was incredible but the table ordered so much of it and I ended up really full. Three nights in a row that my plan of what I ate for dinner and how much I ate did NOT happen. I ended up eating different food and/or too much food. It was enough to leave me in a really bad place Saturday night when I came home from dinner. It’s been a long time since my mom had to stroke my hair and offer me comfort as I cried it out, but it happened.

I felt and feel so very frustrated with myself. My all-or-nothing thinking is taking hold and I’m experiencing this petrifying feeling, a fear that three nights in a row means a new habit, that this will keep happening. I don’t want to let food rule my life and alter my experiences and dominate my thoughts. I want to be a normal person who can eat, enjoy, savor, and move on. I feel so ashamed of myself and a freak for not being able to say, “Okay I’m full, let’s stop eating now.” Saturday night I recall sitting at the table, staring at the food even though I was full. I couldn’t stop thinking about it til I tried a bit more here, a bit more there. I have this assumption now that I can’t trust myself, that I can’t be around food or I will go overboard. So black and white…as if the only way I can trust myself to not eat too much is to not eat at all, and to restrict.

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Keep Calm and Think Out Loud

It’s that time of the week again: Thursday, the time to Think Out Loud! Thanks as always to Amanda for hosting this link-up, even from sunny California…hope you’re enjoying your time in Disneyland, lady! I too am going to be on the move tomorrow (I’m heading to Boston and staying the night to visit friends, Friday to Saturday) so I won’t be posting; this is the last you’ll hear of me this week. But I guess that means I can just throw in some extra thinking today, right?

Think out loud with the rest of us by linking up!

1. Since writing Tuesday’s Trade ‘Em Up post, staying in a couple of nights, and making sure I get enough sleep, I have been feeling better about myself anxiety and body-image wise. I didn’t even experience guilt yesterday about going out with friends the night before. I met up with former UConn co-workers (and newly engaged couple) Cara and Brian for dinner at Bricco Trattoria in Glastonbury. Still loving it there and have kept returning since New Year’s Eve!  After dinner we walked (aka jogged, it was freaking freezing) over to Hanafin’s for Tuesday Trivia. Theirs starts at 8PM – nice and early! I enjoyed a half pint of the Rebel IPA (two thumbs up) and even managed to contribute a few movie-related trivia answers. I have to be honest and say I totally judged a bro the next table over who didn’t know that Finch is the last name of Atticus from To Kill a Mockingbird. Did you not take high school English?

A side of baby cabbages (of course) and they were awesome.

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Meet Caitlin

I’m a 28 year old full-time working girl living in Boston (previously lived in Connecticut). I’m passionate about food/drink, restaurants, self-love, fitness, and the ever-present search for balance. I write about that journey on this blog – I hope you enjoy!

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Design Credit

My header was originally designed by Mai Le and later tweaked by Chris Roggi to match this theme, which he helped me customize. He also moved me over to self-hosting! Both can be contacted through their sites for design & development work!

Disclaimer

I am not an RD and do not have any official training, certifications, or degrees in nutrition or fitness. This blog is a way to write about my life. Any views I express are mine alone, based on what works for me, and should never be taken as medical advice. Always talk to your doctor or a trained professional before starting a new diet or fitness plan. In addition, this blog and its content are in no way affiliated with Kate Gosselin, “Kate Plus 8”, TLC, or any related affiliates.

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